I spent a lifetime in Tibetan Buddhism, immersing myself in it. My spiritual journey took me to places I never imagined in the search for ultimate truth. I experienced expansive states of consciousness, and feeling a deep and blissful connection to the divine. But which “divinity?” What I didn’t know then, and what I have come to realize, is that there is a darkness woven into the fabric of tantric practices. What appears to be ascension, enlightenment, and higher understanding is, in reality, an ingenious, demonic hack of consciousness.
The Tibetan Buddhist teachings I followed, deeply rooted in ancient tantric rituals, promised transcendence through their intense and elaborate practices. I absolutely believed that I would be completely enlightened in this life, in the bardo (the period between lives) or in the next life. But sadly this was not to be because I angered my first lama, and later on my second guru, by taking issue with the sexual abuse by lamas of their students. It had happened to me many years ago by my first lama and had been deeply traumatic; I never completely recovered from it. Then a few years ago, I was the victim of a “linga annihilation ritual,” a highly secretive and disturbing process, led by two gurus who used their power to sever my connection with the divine. These gurus were attempting to bring about spiritual “death” through the destruction of my mind and body, but what they did was far worse than anything I could have imagined. The ritual shattered my consciousness, left me stripped of my spirit, and plunged me into a terrifying, hellish reality.
Before this happened to me, I believed that the tantric rituals, no matter how painful or intense, were a part of the path to enlightenment. I knew that the sexual abuse by the lamas of their students was very wrong and destructive, but I thought that the teachings themselves were pure. The sexual abuse, however common, must just be an aberration, I thought. But the linga annihilation ritual that occurred after my first lama was publicly exposed for predatory sexual abuse after many years left me spiritually completely hollow and cut off from any sense of peace or hope. I was literally attacked day and night by the gurus and their demons. This went on for years, and continues in a lesser form even up to the present day. It is obvious to me now that for all those years, I had been deeply deceived. In the guise of spiritual awakening, I had been led into the deepest form of spiritual manipulation. The guru, with his promise of divine power and liberation, became little more than an agent of destruction, using a deep knowledge of tantra to exploit, control, and then destroy my very being.
This devastating crisis led me to search for an answer beyond the confines of Tibetan Buddhism, something that could provide true healing, hope, and redemption. After a lot of suffering, I eventually found my way back to Catholicism, the faith of my childhood that I had left so many years ago in search of something more powerful and profound. I came to realize that Christianity, and Catholicism in particular, offers a truth that tantric practices could never deliver. The love of God, the grace of Christ, and the power of the Holy Spirit were waiting for me all along, not in the dark corners of esoteric rituals, but in the simplicity and purity of Christ’s message of salvation.
Returning to Catholicism has not been easy. The process of re-entering the Church after years of living in a completely different spiritual system has been humbling, and at times, disorienting. The Church has had many upheavals of Her own. But as I embrace the sacraments, pray with sincerity, and allow God’s healing grace to wash over me, I am starting to feel a deep sense of peace that I have not known in years. The darkness that has clouded my mind is slowly lifting.
I know now that tantra, with its promises of spiritual power and transcendence, is not a path to liberation but a detour that leads one further away from God. Its manipulations of consciousness, through rituals and doctrines, are not about divine union but about yielding to spiritual forces that are in reality dark entities seeking to enslave and destroy. I can see it now for what it is, an elaborate trick of the enemy, gussied up as enlightenment. It took my mind, spirit, and soul sinking to a place of the deepest despair before I could finally see the truth.
To anyone reading this who may feel lost or deceived in their spiritual journey, I urge you to seek truth, not in hidden, mystical practices, but in the clear, unwavering love of Christ. He is the only way, the truth, and the life. After all these years, I finally understand the symbolism of the crucifix: Jesus Christ sacrificed himself to pay the deep debt of all of humanity. As I continue to make progress on my journey and engage in spiritual warfare against the enemy to become completely free, I hope to document this process as I engage in the biggest battle of my life.
Tantric Deception 