For 35 years, I was deeply immersed in Tibetan Buddhism. I devoted myself to its teachings, its rituals, and its promises of enlightenment. But along the way, I encountered something dark and realized that all was not as it seemed. And then, one day, I became aware of something that had lodged itself deep within me, waiting for the right moment to exert itself.
The First Encounter
In 2017, I awoke to the sound of a voice, not in a language I could recognize, but in guttural grunts and nonsensical syllables. It was not the voice of an external being; it came from deep within my own mind. It spoke from a place of severe mental challenge, a space I had never known existed within me. I was horrified. I had always been grateful that I was an intelligent person with an above average intellect, or at the very least, someone of average intelligence with a great deal of curiosity. But suddenly there was some part of my mind that seemed very mentally challenged. Was this a foreshadowing of a severe mental decline?
Or was this a demon? It turns out that a demonic parasite had burrowed deep into my mind during my years of tantric practice. I sought advice from a high-ranking Rinpoche, a man considered to be enlightened. His response? I should seek out the Chödpa at my Buddhist center, the lama known for performing Chöd, a ritual practice designed to cut through attachments and expel spirits.
But I had no personal connection with that lama. I had practiced Chöd myself before my kundalini awakening threw my world into chaos. I subsequently found someone else to perform the ritual, but nothing changed. The demon was a consciousness of severe limitation, a sentient being trapped in broken syllables and incoherence who sometimes surfaced in the early hours of morning, reminding me of its presence.
Understanding the Reason for the Demon’s Presence
By 2020, the demon’s presence began to make more sense.
Two of my most trusted gurus performed an annihilation ritual on me. After that, for months and years the Tibetan Buddhist gurus and their demons beat into me the notion that I would never be reborn as a human being again. I was destined to fall into the animal realms or worse, the hell realms, where I would remain for eternity. They tortured me, distorted my physical form, and severely twisted my identity. I lived in a waking nightmare. Slowly, painfully, I returned to the Catholic faith of my youth.
The demons fought back through harrassments and tortures. But over time, through exorcisms, prayer, and sheer endurance, I began to regain ground. Still, this particular demon lingered and resurfaced occasionally, groaning like a wounded animal within, its garbled words haunting me more than the voices of the very intelligent demons that manifested as my guru and yidam (meditational deity). Sadly, those two still somewhat control and torture me, especially at night when I am the most vulnerable, and in dreams.
Though I want to be free of all of them, in these past few months I have specifically prayed very hard that the cognitively impaired demon would be cast out as soon as possible.
The Exorcism
This week, I met a new priest. He is willing to help me. He will seek permission from his bishop to perform a major exorcism on me. Up until now, I have had one major exorcism, along with several minor exorcisms, or deliverance sessions, both in-person and over Zoom. But last week, I had my first session with this new priest.
After a long interview, where I shared my entire history, he performed an intense exorcism prayer in Latin. It was powerful. I drove home, exhausted. That night, I fell into a deep sleep.
The Expulsion
At around 1 AM, I woke up and prayed. The demons stirred. My mind flooded with bizarre images and then, something strange happened. I felt the nerves in my face ripple, from my right temple down to my mouth. And then, something left in a small gust of air.
I was stunned. Although I had experienced small demons leaving in puffs of air before, nothing that felt like this had happened.
An hour later, I felt a strong presence in my sinus area, between my eyes. A loud, pitiful groaning erupted from that area within me, like a dying animal. It went on for a couple of minutes, rising and falling. Then, it moved down into my throat and forced itself out with a significant burst of air. One or two smaller puffs followed.
The mentally challenged demon was gone. Not all of the demons left, by any means, the strongmen demons (the guru and yidam) still seem to be here. But something major left me that night.
The Battle Continues
This was just one more step in a long battle, but it felt like a victory. Tibetan Buddhism stole 35 years of my life, entangling me in a web of control, fear, and spiritual deception. But the truth is setting me free (as cliche as that sounds). The more I turn to Christ, the more the grip of these demons loosens. There is still more work to be done, but I believe I am one step closer to freedom.
I am very grateful to the priests and pastors who have prayed over me the past few years. It has had a cumulative effect. Deliverance is like peeling off the layers of an onion. For me, anyway, it has been a very gradual process. This week felt like a major victory. The battle is not over by any means, but I will not stop fighting until I am free.
Tantric Deception 